BOOTCAMP!!!

It's been a while. And my pants could tell a thousand tales of many pizzas and cookies past. Winter was quite possibly the ultimate in junk food indulgences. No cake was too sweet. No cookie too round. No pizza too cheesy. No couch too comfy!

I could feel my pants getting more and more snug as the months wore on. And when spring finally arrived, I realized that none of my clothing fit at all. The cute capri's, the sweet tank tops, the little dresses and booty shorts... all too small.


On top of all that, I am standing for Carrice's wedding June 28th and my dress is a size 6... no, that isn't a typo, that is a SIX. Currently I look like a stuffed sausage in the dress, and the only reason that I can get it on is because there are no zippers. Sigh.


How did I let it go this far? What on earth was I going to do? I had exactly 8 weeks and I had to act fast.

So I had a farewell toast with my roomie A, and it was buhbye wine, buhbye strongbow, buhbye chips, buhbye chocolate, buhbye candy and buhbye all things bad...

I joined a bootcamp. An ass-whooping, gut-busting, muscle-building mother fucker of a workout. This should be good.


Oh, did I mention that I was also scheduled to start a full-on CLEANSE the same day that bootcamp began? Yes, that too.


The cleanse consists of a very strict diet, 4L of water per day and herbal supplements with meals. The diet resembles that of a level 4 vegan - kibble 'n bits.


Items that cannot be consumed: sugar of all kinds, dairy, flour of any kind, additives or preservatives, anything fermented, and anything with flavour.


And so it began today....



Monday April 28th 2008 - Day 1


At first I was excited about the day. Everyone kept telling me how hard it was going to be, especially since I was starting a cleanse too. I kept denying it, to them and to myself. Ignorance is bliss.


Breakfast this morning was another story all-together - that is when I found out just how disgusting the herbal cleanse supplements are. The liquid tastes like what I think a dirty anus would taste like. So, every meal I eat I have to take these supplements first - which means that all of my meals have the dirty anus aftertaste. Scrumptous!


The food isn't entirely terrible - just bland and dry. Sauce is a hot commodity on a cleanse.


When I got to bootcamp I was already feeling a little ill... either I wanted to throw up or I wanted to take a major BM... I couldn't decide so I did neither.


The measurements for day 1 of bootcamp made me want to cry. As I stood there wondering how I let myself go, I remembered going through this exact type of experience last spring... and I tried to think of ways to avoid the winter bulge next year. At this point I was just trying to keep my mind off the numbers that Captain Guns was writing on my pitiful page.

The 'fit test' wasn't bad until I had to run 1km. Ready, Set, GO! And I was off at lightning speed for the first quarter mile... as I started to slow down and eventually come to a very slow jog I realized that my cardiovasular fitness was not only lacking, it was non-existent.


Dear Lungs,

I love you. Please come back to me. I miss you terribly and I promise to feed you delicious oxygen every day.


Your loving owner,

Brianne


After the 6:09 kilometre run I was exhausted and bootcamp was over. It was a good thing too because this is when BE #1 kicked in (bathroom emergency). One of the herbal supplements is a natural laxative - to flush the shit out of your system (literally).

It is a good thing that I had met Claire, one of the bootcampees, and she offered me a ride home so that I didnt' have to walk. Otherwise BE #2 would have been very embarrassing.

What I have learned today:

• winter is not an excuse to pig out


• cleansing isn't as easy as one might think
  
• one should always plan for bathroom emergencies (BE's)

- Brianne

Attacked

This one's from the vault. I wrote this some time in the summer, but forgot to post it.

When Bree first joined the gym with us, she didn’t want to do the classes. She thought that they were cheesy. But Kristin and I are big fans of the classes and Bree slowly came around. Now she’s a class whore, just like us. Monday night, I tried her favourite class, Body Attack, for the first time. Wouldn’t you know, it was the cheesiest class of them all; but that’s not to say it didn’t totally kick my ass. It was like 80s aerobics (which I grew up on) on acid. The cute male instructor definitely had some kind of history with cheerleading and insisted on finishing every track in a pose. Where he kept digging out the energy from, I’ll never know. This class is extremely fast moving, so you never have much time to reflect on what it is you are actually doing before you are moving on to something else. Somehow I was inspired to do the jumping lunges, which I am still paying for 2 days later. It also hurts to put pressure on my butt cheeks, so sitting is even challenging. Bree claims that this class with lift and separate your tush like your favourite push up bra. Running has made my butt as flat as a pancake, so I think I will be returning to this class to try to regain my bootie.

Last night, I had the same teacher for Body Pump and he was so distraught by the techno selection for the clean and press track that he had to turn on the disco lights to make himself feel better. Move over Robert and Cpt. Guns, I have a new favourite instructor.

-Al

2008 Not Up to Par so Far

With the fresh new beginning of 2008, I resolved to continue kicking butt at the gym and also find new ways of staying in shape. I'm still running and my knee's doing much better but it seemed my workout was lacking something it once had when I was young. Team sports!

So this winter, I joined an indoor soccer team with some friends from my office who are actually good at soccer. Given that I haven't played soccer since the sixth grade this should be an interesting ride! It's co-ed, but there are only two girls signed on so far (including me and Cappytaine Marnie-she's french but not really). Every Saturday, I'm going to attempt to kick a ball into the other team's net wearing my fancy retro number 11 jersey, new kicks, and new shin guards. We'll see if this results in a new appreciation for sports other than hockey.
Once I find out what exactly it means to "Bend it like Beckham", I hope by 2009 I will be able to actually do it. It sounds dirty so I'm all in.

And after the beating my body took with an entire week in Las Vegas, I need all the help I can get!

--Stevie

Even the cats are on a diet...

Why is it that it’s so challenging to stay slim in the winter? Not only is it hard to get to the gym, but my body is craving hearty food, like shepard’s pie and chocolate. After putting the cats on a diet yesterday, though, I feel guilty indulging. I'm also trying to get my butt to the gym more often now that the deluge of snow has temporarily disrupted my lunch time running schedule. One tip for those of you who are going back to the gym after a little siesta: lift lighter weights than you are used to. I had my first day back at Body Pump on Sunday and I tried to lift my regular (read: crazy) amount of weight. I made it through the tracks, but I couldn’t walk without my legs buckling for the next two days. I needed to do a spin before I could sit without wincing. I'm heading back tonight for more torture in an effort stave off the "bear preparing for hibernation" look that seems so popular these days.

-Al

Down to the River

During our Nova Scotian visit, Bree and I decided to walk the dogs down to Sydney River. Our mission, to find koolaid for dying purposes, but that's a whole different story. Be sure to note the giant rose on the doorstep. Classy!

Our walk turned into a 2.5 hour trek. Luckily, no snow here yet so the going was light. We did find koolaid and the dogs were never as tired as when we arrived home. Isn't the way to Sydney River picturesque?

PT Part Three

Two mornings of the week at 7am I work out with my wonderful trainer S. She kicks my ass both mornings and when we near the end of our one-hour session I begin seeing spots. I'm not sure if this is a good thing so I've started having a bit of toast in the morning to see if it would dampen the blow of blindness. So far it's worked...a little. My carbohydrate intake is way too much in general but it's the only thing I crave post-workout. Supplementing my training with running 3 mornings a week, yoga twice a week and the elliptical once in awhile after work has seen my body doing strange things.

Weight loss has been non-existent as I've been packing on muscle. At my session with S. on Thursday I noticed that my shoulders and biceps were absolutely ripped. Not sure if this was the look I'm actually going for! I can now do a hundred man-style pushups but I mainly do one arm push ups with the half-ball thing as my main point of balance. For the first time in a long time, when I flex my arm muscle there's a lot going on there! My knee is still giving me some trouble, but nothing compared to when I tore it up. It's down to a dull ache after a run, not expanding to three times its natural size.

I've made it a goal this week to not eat out once. Not once. So I've purchased the necessary goods to build healthy lunches and create dinners with the intention of freezing half of it. Traveling a lot for work has made it difficult at the grocery store so I've focused on buying items that'll stay for awhile in the freezer once I cook it up. Coming home to rotting items in the fridge and having to clean them out immediately has not been my idea of a post-red-eye fun activity (I do love crawling straight into bed right after a red-eye. Never has my sleep been so good).

One thing I purchased is a rubber band so that I can continue doing muscle toning in my hotel rooms. Thankfully most hotels include a gym so I've been able to go for a nice run. Running in the Nevada heat was not something I enjoyed thank you very much!

I am looking forward to running in San Francisco next week. I'm there all week so there will be plenty of opportunity to go for a run by the water. Since I plan to be in a bikini in January when I'm back in Vegas I am out of control at the gym!

--Stevie

Breathless-a

Have you ever had that dream, the one where you are at work and realize that you are naked? Well, that’s exactly how I felt in spin class last night. Kristin and I arrived early, set up our bikes and sat pedalling until the class started. Finally it was 6:00 pm and the hot instructor started the course by introducing himself and welcoming us to the 75 minute spin class. My jaw dropped. 75 FULL MINUTES!!! Now I`ve misread the gym schedule before, but never with such dire consequences. I was sure I would die or embarrass myself by fainting or throwing up. But we stayed. No one fainted, no one died, and no one threw up. Kristin did lose her sight close to an hour in. Luckily she prefers to spin with her eyes closed. We were a bit loopy afterwards but we survived. I attribute our intrepidness mostly to the hot spinning instructor who’s profuse sweating drenched his white shirt in seconds to show off his hot pecs and abs… It was such a nice view, I may even go back next week.

-Al

(picture from here)

Faster Than Katie Holmes

Today I got the following email from a co-worker:

Hey Type-A Lady,
I just read that Ms. Holmes ran the New York Marathon in a time of 5:29:58 min so there!
Have a good day,

Being an hour faster than someone who could probably hire a trainer and nutritionist to prepare for the race made my day!
(Photo taken from here)

-Al

Trick or Treat?

What a revealing chant: “Trick or Treat?”. But is Halloween candy really a treat? Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the psychology tied up in junk food. How many times have you heard yourself justify an excessively sugary/fatty food by saying, “I deserve a little treat.” Why is it that we consider something so unhealthy as a reward for our good behaviour or even more strange, for our good eating habits? It’s all a trick, when you think about it.

-Al

MARATHON!

I ran a full marathon!



Last Sunday, I ran the Toronto Marathon and it was amazing. Since it was my first marathon, and since I had only ever run 29K in my training, I was petrified I would not be able to finish the full 42K. Costin (my husband) was sweet and woke up earlier with me to take me to the starting line, even though it was 7am on a Sunday and the TTC was closed. He even tried remembered to bring his camera. It all felt very surreal when I was at the starting line. I kept thinking, “You are finally going to do it!” and it got me even more excited. I easily ran through the first 21K lovin’ my decision to purchase a tiny ipod shuffle instead of lugging around my larger nano. I was also happy that Mary, my younger sister and regular race partner (although, not this time), helped me make a race-specific play list. I highly recommend Bennie Benassi as well as some classic 90s club anthems like Mojo’s “The Music Sounds Better With You”. I also threw in some gangsta rap for good measure.

By the 35th kilometre mark, I thought I was going to die. Luckily, Derek (my brother-in-law), was running a leg of the marathon’s relay event and my sister and my cute nieces came out to cheer us on. I was surprised by how much my energy level rose when I saw them. Derek was even nice enough to run with me for a bit after his race and give me a pep talk. Things are a bit blurry after that until I hit King and University where there was a DJ pumping out JT’s “Sexy Back”. Up until that point I had been hobbling along, but I can always dig deeper for JT. By that point, I could see the Parliament buildings and I knew the finish line was just around the corner. When I hit Queen’s Park, I could saw Costin, Sue and Eden and heard them cheering me on. Of course I was my usually cocky self, even 41K in:



I finished in 4:27:50, which is faster than I estimated by 2:10. I was so happy to finish standing up and to have run most of the race. Thought, I wasn’t as happy the next day when I discovered that the average finishing time was 4:09:25 and that 64% of the participants had finished before me. Damn my Type-A personality! When Brianne started the Skinny Jeans collective in June, I only had one goal: Run a full marathon. New goal: Run a full marathon in under 4 hours.



Next I’m training for a half-marathon in May. I may run two of them, two weeks apart. Crazy? Always!

-Al